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On Purpose with Jay Shetty

How to Know if You've Been Lying to Yourself & Learn to Get Comfortable Being Honest With Yourself and Others with Charlamange Tha God

Fri May 17 2024
adventureswellnesstraumaboundariestrustvulnerabilityplant medicineself-honestypersonal growthmental health strugglesbetrayalcharacterhonest conversationsparenting challengesgenuine conversations

Description

The episode covers various topics including planning adventures, wellness journeys, unpacking trauma, setting boundaries, trust, vulnerability, plant medicine, self-honesty, personal growth, mental health struggles, betrayal, character, honest conversations, parenting challenges, and genuine conversations.

Insights

The speaker meticulously plans adventures with his wife using Booking.com for accommodations.

Herbs play a significant role in the speaker's wellness journey, sourced by Nature's Way.

CVS Health offers various healthcare services including virtual care and mental health support.

Charlemagne discusses his dislike for small talk and how it dominates conversations in today's society.

The speaker emphasizes the importance of having deeper conversations beyond surface-level topics rooted in pop culture.

They discuss the challenge of breaking meaningless conversations and suggest being honest about one's feelings to elevate interactions.

Honesty is highlighted as a key aspect in communication, even though people may fear offending others.

The concept of people-pleasing is explored, with boundaries being crucial to maintaining peace and self-respect.

Therapy in the mid-30s helped unpack trauma and understand the impact of past abuse on adult life.

Early experiences of abuse were normalized and seen as positive by young individuals, impacting them emotionally and mentally later in life.

Struggles with setting boundaries and being a people pleaser were major issues addressed in therapy sessions.

The speaker initially struggled with honesty in therapy but had a breakthrough during a spiritual retreat, realizing the importance of being completely honest for proper healing.

The speaker reflects on the deep trust and vulnerability shared with their partner of 26 years, emphasizing the importance of honesty and vulnerability in a close relationship.

They discuss the trend of oversharing and undersharing on the internet, highlighting the negative impact of lying to oneself and others.

The speaker shares their experience with plant medicine as a method of healing and reflection, drawn to its ability to provide spiritual experiences and detach from the ego.

They recount trying out plant medicine in California after feeling called to it for several years, appreciating the transformative experience.

The speaker's dad works in B2B marketing and is known as the 'MQL man' by the speaker's classmates.

The speaker discusses the importance of being honest with oneself, citing examples of how people often lie to themselves about others and even their own appearance.

The speaker emphasizes the need for self-honesty in every aspect of life, especially in a world where oversharing and making judgments about public figures without truly knowing them is common.

People tend to have biases towards individuals they know personally, which can affect their objectivity when forming opinions.

Chapters

  1. Planning Adventures and Wellness Journey
  2. Unpacking Trauma and Setting Boundaries
  3. Trust, Vulnerability, and Plant Medicine
  4. Self-Honesty and Personal Growth
  5. Father's Impact and Embracing Past Experiences
  6. Letting Go and Mental Health Struggles
  7. Betrayal, Character, and Honest Conversations
  8. Parenting Challenges and Genuine Conversations
Summary
Transcript

Planning Adventures and Wellness Journey

00:02 - 12:22

  • The speaker meticulously plans adventures with his wife using Booking.com for accommodations.
  • Herbs play a significant role in the speaker's wellness journey, sourced by Nature's Way.
  • CVS Health offers various healthcare services including virtual care and mental health support.
  • Charlemagne discusses his dislike for small talk and how it dominates conversations in today's society.
  • The speaker emphasizes the importance of having deeper conversations beyond surface-level topics rooted in pop culture.
  • They discuss the challenge of breaking meaningless conversations and suggest being honest about one's feelings to elevate interactions.
  • Honesty is highlighted as a key aspect in communication, even though people may fear offending others.
  • The concept of people-pleasing is explored, with boundaries being crucial to maintaining peace and self-respect.

Unpacking Trauma and Setting Boundaries

11:56 - 18:17

  • The speaker suppressed childhood abuse experiences, leading to people-pleasing behavior and boundary issues.
  • Therapy in the mid-30s helped unpack trauma and understand the impact of past abuse on adult life.
  • Early experiences of abuse were normalized and seen as positive by young individuals, impacting them emotionally and mentally later in life.
  • Struggles with setting boundaries and being a people pleaser were major issues addressed in therapy sessions.
  • The speaker initially struggled with honesty in therapy but had a breakthrough during a spiritual retreat, realizing the importance of being completely honest for proper healing.

Trust, Vulnerability, and Plant Medicine

17:56 - 24:21

  • The speaker reflects on the deep trust and vulnerability shared with their partner of 26 years, emphasizing the importance of honesty and vulnerability in a close relationship.
  • They discuss the trend of oversharing and undersharing on the internet, highlighting the negative impact of lying to oneself and others.
  • The speaker shares their experience with plant medicine as a method of healing and reflection, drawn to its ability to provide spiritual experiences and detach from the ego.
  • They recount trying out plant medicine in California after feeling called to it for several years, appreciating the transformative experience.

Self-Honesty and Personal Growth

23:52 - 30:40

  • The speaker's dad works in B2B marketing and is known as the 'MQL man' by the speaker's classmates.
  • The speaker discusses the importance of being honest with oneself, citing examples of how people often lie to themselves about others and even their own appearance.
  • The speaker emphasizes the need for self-honesty in every aspect of life, especially in a world where oversharing and making judgments about public figures without truly knowing them is common.
  • People tend to have biases towards individuals they know personally, which can affect their objectivity when forming opinions.
  • Acknowledging and addressing personal biases is crucial for having honest conversations and viewing things objectively.
  • Focusing on others' problems can be a way to avoid dealing with one's own issues.
  • Being in the media industry can lead to a different perspective on relationships and situations, causing discrepancies between public perception and reality.
  • Discovering a parent's infidelity can be a significant moment that shapes one's views on relationships and influences behavior.

Father's Impact and Embracing Past Experiences

42:25 - 48:37

  • The speaker reflects on his father's parenting style and how it impacted him, realizing that his father disciplined him out of fear rather than love.
  • The speaker discusses his own mental health journey and how writing about it in a book triggered his father, who had struggled with mental health issues and attempted suicide in the past.
  • The speaker expresses understanding and grace towards his father after learning about the challenges and struggles his father faced, leading to a shift in perspective.
  • The speaker attributes his ability to have a broader perspective on life to always having had a 'bird's eye view' since childhood, enabling him to make better choices for his future.
  • The speaker reflects on past experiences, like setting up a nonprofit without proper channels and getting a tattoo of Wolverine with a microphone symbolizing his belief in rap music changing his life.
  • Through personal growth and reflection, the speaker now sees that nothing in their life has been wasted, every experience has had a purpose leading them to where they are now.
  • The importance of not dismissing past experiences as wasted time but rather recognizing the lessons learned and skills gained that contribute to personal growth.
  • Encouragement to embrace all experiences, even if they may seem like failures at the time, as they can lead to valuable learning opportunities and personal development.

Letting Go and Mental Health Struggles

48:14 - 1:06:56

  • The story of the Buddha's raft illustrates the idea of letting go of what has brought past success to move forward
  • Success can be intoxicating and hold individuals back from evolving and facing new challenges
  • Being willing to let go of old patterns or platforms is essential for growth and avoiding becoming a prisoner of them
  • Personal experiences with travel and wellness routines are shared, emphasizing the importance of self-discovery and self-care
  • The speaker discusses dealing with anxiety and depression and the decision to start therapy for personal growth.
  • Letting go of external expectations led to personal and professional happiness.
  • The speaker reflects on cancel culture and the importance of not being defined by past actions.
  • There is a discrepancy in how society views and reacts to public figures sharing their mental health struggles.
  • People tend to judge public figures based on limited perceptions, leading to misunderstandings about their true selves.
  • Empathy towards mental health struggles can be selective based on personal preferences.
  • People tend to show more empathy and care towards those they like, leading to inconsistencies in how individuals are treated based on personal preferences.
  • There is a tendency for individuals to be hypocritical in their treatment of others, showing bias and favoritism depending on personal relationships.
  • It is challenging for people to step into someone else's shoes and see things from their perspective, but it is important to try and understand where others are coming from.

Betrayal, Character, and Honest Conversations

1:06:33 - 1:25:50

  • Betrayal hurts when people's true character is revealed based on their actions
  • Some relationships are transactional, based on opportunities provided at the time
  • Responding positively to rejection or closed doors shows high character in individuals
  • Talent can take you far, but character sustains success in the long run
  • Focusing on oneself rather than being jealous of others leads to personal growth
  • Trusting in God's plan and timing is crucial for personal fulfillment
  • Using humor to lighten serious situations can be effective but may not always work
  • Maintaining a light-hearted approach in serious situations can lead to better decision-making.
  • Being around rational individuals who can bring balance in tense moments is important.
  • Finding belonging involves engaging with diverse perspectives and having uncomfortable conversations.
  • Avoiding echo chambers and small talk is essential for personal growth and understanding different viewpoints.
  • Having conversations with people we may not agree with can be eye-opening and lead to personal growth.
  • Being open to different experiences and listening to others can lead to meaningful relationships and connections.
  • Encouraging honest conversations, especially with children, is important for understanding their perspectives and providing support.
  • Parenting challenges involve checking ego, adapting to changing times, and staying centered amidst emotional struggles.

Parenting Challenges and Genuine Conversations

1:25:24 - 1:31:05

  • Parenting is challenging and there is no manual for it, so it's important to give each other grace.
  • The importance of honesty in relationships and how small talk can lead to disconnection.
  • Encouragement to have honest conversations with loved ones to deepen relationships.
  • Acknowledgment of the podcast host's platform promoting mindfulness and wellness discussions.
  • Promotion of a book titled 'Get Honest or Dyling, Why Small Talk Sucks' and its significance in fostering genuine conversations.
  • Information about an episode featuring Rick Rubin on creativity and finding passion.
  • Partnership with NAMI for Mental Health Awareness Month and providing resources for mental health support.
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