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The Diary Of A CEO with Steven Bartlett

Secret Agent: Send Your Children To A Village! How To Detect A Lie Instantly! The Eye Contact Trick I Learnt From 12 Years As A Secret Service Agent! - Evy Poumpouras

Thu Jun 06 2024
Behavior ReadingInfluencing OthersSecret ServiceEffective CommunicationManaging ConflictsPersonal GrowthLeadership QualitiesDecision-MakingMental Well-beingTraumaDiscriminationPersonalized Nutrition

Description

Evie Pomporis, a former U.S. Secret Service Special Agent, shares insights on reading people's behavior, influencing them, and her experiences in the Secret Service. The episodes cover topics such as effective communication, managing conflicts, personal growth, leadership qualities, decision-making, mental well-being, trauma, discrimination, and personalized nutrition.

Insights

Understanding Motivational Mindset

Understanding a person's motivational mindset is key to getting them to do what you want.

Effective Communication

Effective communication involves considering paralinguistics like tone and pitch.

Objectivity in Leadership

Leaders like Bill Clinton and Barack Obama are driven by objectivity rather than emotion.

Facing Danger in the Secret Service

Evie reflects on her Secret Service experience, including moments of perceived danger and fear.

Shaping Wisdom and Skills

Her wisdom and skills were shaped by her upbringing, training as a police officer, and working in elite environments like the White House.

U.S. Secret Service Focus

The U.S. Secret Service focuses on protecting high-profile individuals selflessly and engaging in global investigations.

Creative Solutions for Apprehending Criminals

Fraud is a global issue, requiring creative solutions for apprehending criminals across borders.

Undercover Operations in Law Enforcement

Undercover operations involving luring suspects with motivations like greed can be effective in law enforcement.

Understanding Motivations for Cooperation

Understanding a person's ideology, motivations, and beliefs is crucial in persuading them to cooperate.

Influencing Actions through Active Listening

Active listening and understanding the other person's motivational mindset are key in influencing their actions.

Building Connections through Respect and Competence

Showing respect and competence is more effective than trying to make people like you.

Revealing Others through Listening

Listening and letting others reveal themselves builds connections and understanding.

Fostering Open Communication

Being non-judgmental and genuinely curious fosters open communication.

Maintaining Warmth and Boundaries

Maintaining warmth while setting boundaries is key in professional relationships.

Avoiding Future Problems by Setting Boundaries

Avoiding conflict can lead to bigger future problems by setting new boundaries.

Understanding Disrespect through Self-Reflection

Self-reflection is important in understanding why people may disrespect you.

Setting Clear Expectations and Boundaries

Setting clear expectations and boundaries from the beginning is crucial in managing interpersonal conflicts.

Addressing Conflicts Promptly and Respectfully

Addressing conflicts promptly and respectfully can prevent resentment and improve relationships.

Handling Conflicts Effectively

Distinguishing between ego-driven reactions and actual boundary violations is essential in handling conflicts effectively.

Influencing Behavior through Accountability

Taking ownership of mistakes and showing accountability can influence the behavior of others in a positive way.

Surrounding Oneself with Positive Examples

Surrounding oneself with the right people who set a positive example is crucial for personal growth and success.

Maintaining Strong Core Circle

Setting boundaries and reassessing relationships to maintain a strong core circle is important for personal well-being.

Building Network of Exceptional Individuals

Building a network of exceptional individuals can lead to success, while surrounding oneself with drama invites more drama.

Different Versions of Oneself in Different Environments

Different versions of oneself can be brought into different environments, such as work or podcasting.

Resilience in Leadership

Leaders like Bill Clinton and Barack Obama showed resilience in facing public criticism and making tough decisions.

Value of Direct Communication and Decisiveness

Observing leaders like Trump highlighted the value of direct communication and decisiveness.

Rational Decision-Making by US Presidents

US presidents make rational, fact-based decisions without being driven by emotion.

Engaging in Debates with Open Minds

Effective leaders engage in debates with colleagues while maintaining strong egos and open minds.

Rational Decision-Making and Emotional Control

Debating with people who challenge your views can be beneficial and should be done rationally without getting emotional.

Avoiding Emotional Decision-Making

Being able to make decisions based on facts and rationality helps in avoiding emotional decision-making.

Importance of Quiet and Focused Environment

A story about standing post for President George W. Bush highlights the importance of maintaining a quiet and focused environment.

Rigorous Process to Become a Secret Service Agent

Getting selected for positions like the US Secret Service involves a rigorous process with extensive background checks, essays, and tests.

Qualities Sought After in Secret Service Agents

The process to become a Secret Service agent involves rigorous testing and examinations, including polygraph tests and written exams.

Integrity and Trustworthiness in Secret Service Agents

Integrity and trustworthiness are crucial qualities sought after in potential agents, as lying during the application process can lead to disqualification.

Disqualification Factors for Secret Service Candidates

Drug usage is a significant factor that can disqualify candidates due to the nature of the work involving criminal cases.

Detecting Deception through Polygraph Examinations

Polygraph examiners rely on intuition and pattern recognition to detect lies during interrogations, looking for changes in behavior or body language as indicators of deception.

Investigative Techniques in Catching Criminals

A story is shared about catching a criminal involved in ATM fraud through investigative techniques like matching prints from the crime scene.

Identifying Red Flags during Interrogations

A law enforcement officer describes an interrogation where a suspect denies involvement despite clear evidence against him.

Behavioral Indicators of Guilt

The suspect's behavior during the interrogation, such as being overly cooperative and denying any involvement, raised red flags for the officer.

Religious Items as Indicators of Guilt

The officer discusses how suspects sometimes invoke divine intervention or bring religious items to appear innocent, but these actions can be indicators of guilt.

Confidence and Success through Body Language

Maintaining eye contact is seen as a way to convey confidence, authority, and respect during interactions.

Impact of Body Language on Confidence

Body language, including posture and self-esteem, can significantly impact one's perceived confidence and success in social interactions.

Consistent Effort for Real Change

People seek quick and simple solutions to complex problems, but real change requires consistent effort over time

Small Actions for Personal Growth

Personal growth involves focusing on small actions that accumulate over time, like compound interest

Attracting Positive Relationships through Self-Assurance

Becoming sovereign and self-assured leads to attracting positive relationships and opportunities

Resilience through Facing Rejection

Resilience is built through facing rejection and staying true to oneself

Defining Success by Personal Values

Success should be defined by personal values, not external measures like wealth or societal expectations

Controlling Exposure to Technology for Mental Well-being

The speaker emphasizes the importance of controlling her child's exposure to technology and media to protect her mental well-being.

Regulating Mind and Body

She believes in regulating what goes into her child's mind, similar to how she controls the food her child consumes.

Importance of Physical Activity for Mental Health

Exercise is a crucial part of the speaker's routine as she views the mind and body as interconnected.

Releasing Stress through Running

The speaker shares a personal experience where running helped her release stress and emotions, highlighting the importance of physical activity for mental health.

Critical Decision-Making in High-Stress Situations

The speaker reflects on a particularly intense and potentially dangerous situation during their time in the Secret Service, where they had to make a critical decision about using lethal force.

Destigmatizing Feelings of Depression and Anxiety

Despite facing moments of high stress and anxiety in their career, the speaker does not believe they have experienced mental health disorders, emphasizing the importance of not stigmatizing feelings like depression and anxiety.

Challenging the Idea of Happiness as the Ultimate Goal

The speaker discusses the normalization of feeling bad and challenges the idea that happiness is the ultimate goal in life.

Security Measures and Facing Discrimination

Security measures around protecting high-profile individuals are detailed, including scenarios where threats were perceived.

Overcoming Discrimination in a Male-Dominated Field

The speaker reflects on facing discrimination and prejudice as a woman in a male-dominated field but asserts she didn't let it hinder her progress.

Earning Position through Hard Work

Imposter syndrome is addressed, with the speaker expressing she earned her position through hard work despite facing challenges.

Effective Communication through Respect and Paralinguistics

In professional environments, showing respect is crucial for effective communication.

Impact of Tone and Voice Projection

Paralinguistics, such as tone and voice projection, play a significant role in ensuring people listen to you.

Contribution Score and Idea Reception

Having a high 'contribution score' based on valuable past contributions can impact how your ideas are received in meetings.

Speaking Up with Valuable Contributions

It's important to speak up only when you have something valuable to add to the conversation.

Learning from Others' Knowledge

Listening and learning from others, even if you feel less knowledgeable, can be beneficial in certain situations.

Taking Personal Responsibility for Circumstances

Some people have a default to taking responsibility, while others prefer to blame external factors for their circumstances.

Uncomfortable Nature of Personal Responsibility

Personal responsibility can be uncomfortable for some individuals as it requires self-reflection and the willingness to change.

Clinging to Past Traumas

Certain individuals may cling to past traumas as part of their identity, making it difficult for them to move forward.

Hindrance of Reliving Traumatic Experiences

Reliving traumatic experiences through constant discussion or therapy may hinder progress and lead to negative consequences in one's life.

Trauma Shaping Identity

For some people, past experiences become a defining part of their identity, shaping how they interact with others and view themselves.

Letting Go of Trauma and Fear

Some individuals hold onto their trauma as part of their identity and struggle to let it go

Fear and Limitations from Unresolved Trauma

Not letting go of trauma can lead to fear and limitations in life

Choosing Empowerment in Difficult Situations

It's important to choose empowerment and acknowledge the ability to make choices in difficult situations

Focus on Self and Emotional Validation

People who are stuck in their trauma tend to focus on themselves, use 'I' frequently, and seek emotional validation

Addictive Nature of Reliving Trauma

Reliving trauma can become addictive due to the adrenaline rush it provides

Community and Purpose in Trauma

Trauma can provide a sense of community, belonging, and purpose for some individuals, making it hard for them to let go

Trauma as a Badge of Honor

Trauma is sometimes viewed as a badge of honor in today's society, leading to a competition of who has experienced more hardship.

Motivation through Group Belonging

Belonging to a group can be a strong motivator for individuals, even in criminal or terrorist organizations.

Thrilling Undercover Operation Story

The speaker shares a thrilling undercover operation story involving infiltrating an organized crime ring selling passports to terrorists.

Role-Playing in Undercover Operations

The speaker adopts the role of a sex-trafficked individual to gather information and successfully obtains authentic passports and birth certificates from the criminals.

Continuing Undercover Operation with Female Agents

By offering to bring more girls to the criminal organization, the speaker continues the undercover operation with other female agents and law enforcement involved.

Overcoming Underestimation in Professional Settings

Undercover operation involved bringing in more girls to catch a criminal

Supporting Colleagues Experiencing Exclusion

Discussion on being underestimated due to gender, race, or age in professional settings

Impact of Feeling Discriminated Against

The speaker reflects on a situation where they had to ask others to invite someone who felt excluded, highlighting the impact of feeling discriminated against.

Recognition Based on Merits

The speaker discusses their aversion towards being considered for opportunities based on their skin color, preferring to be recognized for their merits.

Identity Reminders and Performance

They mention the concept of labeling theory and stereotype threat, emphasizing how identity reminders can affect performance.

Gender-Based Discrimination in Training

The speaker shares their experience of facing gender-based discrimination and unequal standards in training, leading them to push themselves harder to meet male standards.

Not Letting Prejudice Define Identity

They express frustration at being treated differently due to gender and emphasize the importance of not letting prejudice become one's identity.

Choosing Battles against Prejudice and Discrimination

Prejudice and discrimination are acknowledged as real, but individuals may choose not to make them their personal problem.

Protecting Energy in Dealing with Unjust Situations

It can be exhausting and draining to constantly try to fix societal issues related to prejudice and discrimination.

Setting Boundaries for Self-Protection

Setting boundaries and protecting one's energy is important in dealing with unjust situations.

Balancing Systemic Issues and Personal Energy

There is a balance between addressing systemic issues of prejudice and discrimination while also considering the amount of personal energy invested in fighting against them.

Chapters

  1. Reading People's Behavior and Influencing Them
  2. Creative Solutions for Apprehending Criminals
  3. Building Connections and Open Communication
  4. Managing Interpersonal Conflicts
  5. Personal Growth and Success
  6. Leadership Qualities and Decision-Making
  7. Rational Decision-Making and Undercover Operations
  8. Becoming a Secret Service Agent
  9. Interrogation Techniques and Body Language
  10. Personal Growth and Overcoming Challenges
  11. Protecting Mental Well-being and Physical Health
  12. Critical Decision-Making and Mental Health
  13. Challenging Norms and Imposter Syndrome
  14. Effective Communication and Contribution
  15. Personal Responsibility and Trauma
  16. Letting Go of Trauma and Setting Boundaries
  17. Trauma as a Badge of Honor and Undercover Operations
  18. Overcoming Discrimination and Underestimation
  19. Challenging Stereotypes and Identity Reminders
  20. Dealing with Prejudice and Discrimination
  21. Long-Term Health and Personalized Nutrition
Summary
Transcript

Reading People's Behavior and Influencing Them

00:00 - 07:00

  • Understanding a person's motivational mindset is key to getting them to do what you want.
  • Effective communication involves considering paralinguistics like tone and pitch.
  • Leaders like Bill Clinton and Barack Obama are driven by objectivity rather than emotion.
  • Evie reflects on her Secret Service experience, including moments of perceived danger and fear.
  • Her wisdom and skills were shaped by her upbringing, training as a police officer, and working in elite environments like the White House.
  • The U.S. Secret Service focuses on protecting high-profile individuals selflessly and engaging in global investigations.

Creative Solutions for Apprehending Criminals

06:46 - 12:55

  • Fraud is a global issue, requiring creative solutions for apprehending criminals across borders.
  • Undercover operations involving luring suspects with motivations like greed can be effective in law enforcement.
  • Understanding a person's ideology, motivations, and beliefs is crucial in persuading them to cooperate.
  • Active listening and understanding the other person's motivational mindset are key in influencing their actions.

Building Connections and Open Communication

12:29 - 18:44

  • Showing respect and competence is more effective than trying to make people like you.
  • Listening and letting others reveal themselves builds connections and understanding.
  • Being non-judgmental and genuinely curious fosters open communication.
  • Maintaining warmth while setting boundaries is key in professional relationships.

Managing Interpersonal Conflicts

18:26 - 24:54

  • Avoiding conflict can lead to bigger future problems by setting new boundaries.
  • Self-reflection is important in understanding why people may disrespect you.
  • Setting clear expectations and boundaries from the beginning is crucial in managing interpersonal conflicts.
  • Addressing conflicts promptly and respectfully can prevent resentment and improve relationships.
  • Distinguishing between ego-driven reactions and actual boundary violations is essential in handling conflicts effectively.

Personal Growth and Success

24:26 - 31:05

  • Taking ownership of mistakes and showing accountability can influence the behavior of others in a positive way.
  • Surrounding oneself with the right people who set a positive example is crucial for personal growth and success.
  • Setting boundaries and reassessing relationships to maintain a strong core circle is important for personal well-being.
  • Building a network of exceptional individuals can lead to success, while surrounding oneself with drama invites more drama.

Leadership Qualities and Decision-Making

30:44 - 37:22

  • Different versions of oneself can be brought into different environments, such as work or podcasting.
  • Leaders like Bill Clinton and Barack Obama showed resilience in facing public criticism and making tough decisions.
  • Observing leaders like Trump highlighted the value of direct communication and decisiveness.
  • US presidents make rational, fact-based decisions without being driven by emotion.
  • Effective leaders engage in debates with colleagues while maintaining strong egos and open minds.

Rational Decision-Making and Undercover Operations

36:53 - 43:16

  • Debating with people who challenge your views can be beneficial and should be done rationally without getting emotional.
  • Being able to make decisions based on facts and rationality helps in avoiding emotional decision-making.
  • A story about standing post for President George W. Bush highlights the importance of maintaining a quiet and focused environment.
  • Getting selected for positions like the US Secret Service involves a rigorous process with extensive background checks, essays, and tests.

Becoming a Secret Service Agent

42:55 - 48:59

  • The process to become a Secret Service agent involves rigorous testing and examinations, including polygraph tests and written exams.
  • Integrity and trustworthiness are crucial qualities sought after in potential agents, as lying during the application process can lead to disqualification.
  • Drug usage is a significant factor that can disqualify candidates due to the nature of the work involving criminal cases.
  • Polygraph examiners rely on intuition and pattern recognition to detect lies during interrogations, looking for changes in behavior or body language as indicators of deception.
  • A story is shared about catching a criminal involved in ATM fraud through investigative techniques like matching prints from the crime scene.

Interrogation Techniques and Body Language

48:43 - 55:07

  • A law enforcement officer describes an interrogation where a suspect denies involvement despite clear evidence against him.
  • The suspect's behavior during the interrogation, such as being overly cooperative and denying any involvement, raised red flags for the officer.
  • The officer discusses how suspects sometimes invoke divine intervention or bring religious items to appear innocent, but these actions can be indicators of guilt.
  • Maintaining eye contact is seen as a way to convey confidence, authority, and respect during interactions.
  • Body language, including posture and self-esteem, can significantly impact one's perceived confidence and success in social interactions.

Personal Growth and Overcoming Challenges

54:47 - 1:01:13

  • People seek quick and simple solutions to complex problems, but real change requires consistent effort over time
  • Personal growth involves focusing on small actions that accumulate over time, like compound interest
  • Becoming sovereign and self-assured leads to attracting positive relationships and opportunities
  • Resilience is built through facing rejection and staying true to oneself
  • Success should be defined by personal values, not external measures like wealth or societal expectations

Protecting Mental Well-being and Physical Health

1:00:59 - 1:07:39

  • The speaker emphasizes the importance of controlling her child's exposure to technology and media to protect her mental well-being.
  • She believes in regulating what goes into her child's mind, similar to how she controls the food her child consumes.
  • Exercise is a crucial part of the speaker's routine as she views the mind and body as interconnected.
  • The speaker shares a personal experience where running helped her release stress and emotions, highlighting the importance of physical activity for mental health.

Critical Decision-Making and Mental Health

1:07:10 - 1:13:29

  • The speaker reflects on a particularly intense and potentially dangerous situation during their time in the Secret Service, where they had to make a critical decision about using lethal force.
  • Despite facing moments of high stress and anxiety in their career, the speaker does not believe they have experienced mental health disorders, emphasizing the importance of not stigmatizing feelings like depression and anxiety.

Challenging Norms and Imposter Syndrome

1:13:09 - 1:19:54

  • The speaker discusses the normalization of feeling bad and challenges the idea that happiness is the ultimate goal in life.
  • Security measures around protecting high-profile individuals are detailed, including scenarios where threats were perceived.
  • The speaker reflects on facing discrimination and prejudice as a woman in a male-dominated field but asserts she didn't let it hinder her progress.
  • Imposter syndrome is addressed, with the speaker expressing she earned her position through hard work despite facing challenges.

Effective Communication and Contribution

1:19:25 - 1:25:53

  • In professional environments, showing respect is crucial for effective communication.
  • Paralinguistics, such as tone and voice projection, play a significant role in ensuring people listen to you.
  • Having a high 'contribution score' based on valuable past contributions can impact how your ideas are received in meetings.
  • It's important to speak up only when you have something valuable to add to the conversation.
  • Listening and learning from others, even if you feel less knowledgeable, can be beneficial in certain situations.

Personal Responsibility and Trauma

1:25:26 - 1:32:03

  • Some people have a default to taking responsibility, while others prefer to blame external factors for their circumstances.
  • Personal responsibility can be uncomfortable for some individuals as it requires self-reflection and the willingness to change.
  • Certain individuals may cling to past traumas as part of their identity, making it difficult for them to move forward.
  • Reliving traumatic experiences through constant discussion or therapy may hinder progress and lead to negative consequences in one's life.
  • For some people, past experiences become a defining part of their identity, shaping how they interact with others and view themselves.

Letting Go of Trauma and Setting Boundaries

1:31:39 - 1:38:25

  • Some individuals hold onto their trauma as part of their identity and struggle to let it go
  • Not letting go of trauma can lead to fear and limitations in life
  • It's important to choose empowerment and acknowledge the ability to make choices in difficult situations
  • People who are stuck in their trauma tend to focus on themselves, use 'I' frequently, and seek emotional validation
  • Reliving trauma can become addictive due to the adrenaline rush it provides
  • Trauma can provide a sense of community, belonging, and purpose for some individuals, making it hard for them to let go

Trauma as a Badge of Honor and Undercover Operations

1:37:56 - 1:44:43

  • Trauma is sometimes viewed as a badge of honor in today's society, leading to a competition of who has experienced more hardship.
  • Belonging to a group can be a strong motivator for individuals, even in criminal or terrorist organizations.
  • The speaker shares a thrilling undercover operation story involving infiltrating an organized crime ring selling passports to terrorists.
  • The speaker adopts the role of a sex-trafficked individual to gather information and successfully obtains authentic passports and birth certificates from the criminals.
  • By offering to bring more girls to the criminal organization, the speaker continues the undercover operation with other female agents and law enforcement involved.

Overcoming Discrimination and Underestimation

1:44:13 - 1:50:43

  • Undercover operation involved bringing in more girls to catch a criminal
  • Discussion on being underestimated due to gender, race, or age in professional settings
  • Experience of being the only female agent and supporting a colleague who felt excluded based on race

Challenging Stereotypes and Identity Reminders

1:50:16 - 1:56:19

  • The speaker reflects on a situation where they had to ask others to invite someone who felt excluded, highlighting the impact of feeling discriminated against.
  • The speaker discusses their aversion towards being considered for opportunities based on their skin color, preferring to be recognized for their merits.
  • They mention the concept of labeling theory and stereotype threat, emphasizing how identity reminders can affect performance.
  • The speaker shares their experience of facing gender-based discrimination and unequal standards in training, leading them to push themselves harder to meet male standards.
  • They express frustration at being treated differently due to gender and emphasize the importance of not letting prejudice become one's identity.

Dealing with Prejudice and Discrimination

1:55:50 - 2:02:28

  • Prejudice and discrimination are acknowledged as real, but individuals may choose not to make them their personal problem.
  • It can be exhausting and draining to constantly try to fix societal issues related to prejudice and discrimination.
  • Setting boundaries and protecting one's energy is important in dealing with unjust situations.
  • There is a balance between addressing systemic issues of prejudice and discrimination while also considering the amount of personal energy invested in fighting against them.

Long-Term Health and Personalized Nutrition

2:02:06 - 2:03:05

  • Turning 30 made the speaker realize the importance of long-term health and paying more attention to factors like metabolism and energy levels.
  • The company Zoe, in which the speaker has invested, helps make smarter food choices based on science and personal test results.
  • Zoe acts as a personalized nutrition coach available 24/7 to guide and coach individuals in making healthier food decisions.
  • Listeners are offered a 10% discount when joining Zoey by using the code CEO10 at checkout.
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