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The Jordan Harbinger Show

557: Jack Schafer | Flipping the Like Switch Part One

Tue Sep 07 2021

Conversations with Coleman and The Jordan Harbinger Show

  • Conversations with Coleman is a podcast that features honest interviews on polarizing issues like race, politics, culture, and more.
  • The Jordan Harbinger Show is a podcast that features in-depth conversations with people at the top of their game, providing practical advice for becoming a better critical thinker.
  • On an upcoming episode of the Jordan Harbinger Show, Jack Shafer will discuss how to get people to like and trust us.

Recruitment and Spies

  • Recruitment has a lot to do with social skills, empathy, and identifying what the person needs.
  • Happy people make terrible spies because they have nothing to gain.
  • Unhappy people are more vulnerable and easier to recruit as spies.
  • The psychological makeup of someone is important in catching a spy.
  • Russian spies often use kompromat to blackmail individuals into giving them information.
  • Behavioral analysis is used to identify individuals who break social norms and may be susceptible to recruitment.
  • Testing involves asking individuals to perform small breaches of rules and gradually escalating demands.
  • Intelligence agencies look for people who have a need, whether it be financial or ideological, to recruit as spies.
  • The goal is to rationalize their decision and reframe it into something that benefits them or their loved ones.
  • Foreign countries tend to hire people who are similar to themselves, while the US has a diverse workforce of intelligence agents which makes it harder to stereotype personalities.

Developing Relationships and Influencing People

  • Friendship can be broken down into a formula: friendship equals frequency, proximity, intensity, and duration.
  • Proximity is necessary for a relationship to exist, whether it's physical or virtual.
  • Frequency alone does not create a relationship; duration is also needed.
  • Spending more time with someone increases influence over them.
  • Intensity is the final element needed for a relationship to develop.
  • Proximity and frequency are measurable factors in a relationship, while duration and intensity are not.
  • Mutual gaze is the strongest non-verbal intensifier to a relationship, releasing oxytocin which creates a bond between individuals.
  • Dogs have learned to manipulate humans by staring into their eyes and releasing oxytocin over thousands of years of domestication.
  • Oxytocin release through mutual gaze also occurs between young lovers, creating a bond between them.
  • Older couples may not engage in mutual gaze as frequently due to comfortable quiet comfort, where they know each other well and do not need to take steps to maintain their relationship.
  • Couples may not always engage in activities that release oxytocin together, but it doesn't mean they don't care about each other.
  • Oxytocin is a bonding agent that creates emotional connections and lays the groundwork for long-term relationships.
  • Reproductive activities like breastfeeding also release oxytocin and create bonds between mothers and babies.
  • There are alternative ways to create bonds with touch, holding, caressing, talking to, and looking into a baby's eyes.

Chinese Intelligence Recruitment Techniques

  • Chinese intelligence uses the friendship equation to recruit scientists for classified information.
  • The inverse relationship between frequency and duration is used to maintain relationships with scientists during short visits to China.
  • Common ground and elicitation are used to develop rapport with scientists and gather personal information.
  • Flattery and compliments are used to make scientists feel important.
  • Chinese scientists ask American scientists for advice as a way of proving their expertise.
  • Experts may feel pressure to prove their knowledge and may be hesitant to admit when they don't know something.
  • Psychological techniques, such as reciprocity, can be used to manipulate people into giving away information.
  • By gathering small pieces of information from many scientists, a larger puzzle can be pieced together.
  • Maintaining relationships through frequency, duration, and intensity can lead to further manipulation and elicitation of information.
  • Personal relationship indexes can help determine if a relationship has been developed between a scientist and their minder.
  • Elicitation requires effort and may not always be successful due to unknown factors about the individual being targeted.

Counter Intelligence and Psychological Techniques

  • Counter intelligence agents recruit vulnerable and unhappy people who are more likely to take risks.
  • Intelligence services use similar techniques across cultures to recruit people.
  • Psychological awareness can help prevent recruitment by naming and claiming the techniques used.
  • Car dealerships are a good place to practice identifying psychological sales techniques.
  • Telemarketers also use similar techniques, but nonverbal cues are harder to identify over the phone.
  • The technique of asking for something extra after sealing a deal is effective in getting more from the seller.
  • Finding the sweet spot in asking for extras is important to avoid pushing too far and losing the deal.

Friend and Foe Signals

  • The podcast discusses friend and foe signals, including nonverbal cues like smiles, head tilts, eyebrow flashes, eye contact, extended eye gaze, and touch acceptance.
  • Homeless or houseless people in big cities can read these signals well to identify soft targets for handouts.
  • An eyebrow flash is a long-distance signal that says "I'm not a threat," while a head tilt exposes the carotid artery as a sign of vulnerability.
  • In bad neighborhoods or when trying to avoid being targeted by panhandlers or windshield wipers, one should adopt an urban scowl instead of likability nonverbals.
  • Tourists from small towns may be more vulnerable because they are used to friendly interactions and haven't learned the urban scowl.
  • In some socialist countries like East Germany and North Korea, there is minimal interaction between neighbors on the streets and friendly nonverbal communication is rare.
  • In East Germany, it was not common to make eye contact or talk to neighbors you don't know.
  • In the United States, people tend to be more friendly and wave at their neighbors even if they don't know them well.
  • Whispering is a less common signal of friendliness or openness that is usually done with close friends, couples, or family members.
  • Nonverbal signals can reveal relationships between people, such as sitting apart from each other in class or staring at each other.
  • Food forking (sharing food) is typically only done with close friends and family members.

Territorial Behavior

  • People can be territorial about their food and get upset when others try to take it.
  • Some people may have learned to be territorial due to growing up with siblings who took their food.
  • Territorial behavior can extend beyond just food, such as not wanting others to touch their computer or desk.
  • People may feel a sense of power and ownership over their space, such as in a parking spot, and may take longer to leave if someone is waiting for them.
  • Some people who drive large trucks may also exhibit territorial behavior.

Molly Bloom and Underground Poker Games

  • The podcast discusses Molly Bloom, who ran underground poker games attended by A-listers and mobsters.
  • Bloom used psychology tactics to gain control over the game and the players.
  • The podcast explores why wealthy individuals would come to a dingy basement to play poker.
  • Bloom's operation came to an end when she was beaten by a member of the mob and later arrested by the FBI.
  • Part two of the podcast will be released in a few days.


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  • Jordan Harbinger offers a free course on his website.
  • Worksheets for episodes are available at
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  • The Hyundai Essential Skills series offers tools to navigate challenges in life, including staying true to oneself, moving on after heartbreak, following passions, and starting a business.
  • Other podcasts like Lady Gang, Heather Dubrow, Jordan Harbinger, and Gals on the go also offer essential skills for love and relationships, career and personal development, and finding one's purpose.
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