The Knowledge Project with Shane Parrish
#172 Dr. Julie Gurner (Part 2): Caring Deeply, Challenging Directly
Tue Jul 25 2023Description
The episode covers the importance of setting high standards, maintaining objectivity, embracing tough conversations and feedback, effective communication, managing relationships, expanding thinking, and defining success. It emphasizes the need to address issues early, seek feedback, challenge directly, overcome negative emotions, and think outside cognitive ruts. Success is defined as having enough to never worry about needing more and achieving optionality in various aspects of life.
Insights
Setting high standards
Addressing issues early and having conversations saves time and resolves threats. Highly successful people tend to have higher standards for themselves and others. Holding a high bar is important for personal growth and inspiring others.
Maintaining objectivity and seeking feedback
Detachment from what you care deeply about is essential for making optimum decisions. Seeking feedback helps identify blind spots and leads to genuine improvement.
Embracing tough conversations and feedback
Discussing dismissed topics is important. Real feedback challenges us to improve. Radical candor requires caring deeply and challenging directly.
Effective communication and overcoming negative emotions
Rehearsing conversations and framing feedback as opportunities for improvement are crucial. Collaboration against problems reduces defensiveness. Overcoming negative emotions is important for productivity.
Managing relationships and expanding thinking
Being intentional about how others feel and ending toxic relationships gradually or upfront are key. Exceptional people pull in exceptional things from outside their fields. Reading diverse content challenges thinking.
Defining success and achieving optionality
Success means having enough to never worry about needing more or thinking about needing it. It involves having optionality in various areas of life.
Chapters
- Setting High Standards
- Maintaining Objectivity and Seeking Feedback
- Embracing Tough Conversations and Feedback
- Effective Communication and Overcoming Negative Emotions
- Managing Relationships and Expanding Thinking
- Defining Success and Achieving Optionality
Setting High Standards
00:00 - 07:16
- Fighting up front should be addressed early to resolve threats
- Having conversations and collaborations early saves time in the long run
- Dr. Julie Gerner is a performance coach for exceptional people
- Highly successful people tend to have higher standards for themselves and others
- Expecting high standards from others can cause frustration
- Recognizing that hitting a bar at 80% can still push the business forward
- Holding a high bar is important, don't lower your standards
- Having expectations is beneficial for personal growth and success
- Translating high standards as a parent or CEO is important for inspiring others to rise to their potential
Maintaining Objectivity and Seeking Feedback
07:11 - 13:44
- When you have high standards and care deeply about something, you naturally hold yourself to a higher standard.
- Having low standards at work can signal that it's just a job for you, leading to more transactional treatment.
- When looking for a partner to build with, different traits and qualities are sought after than someone who just clocks in and out.
- Detachment from the business or things you care deeply about is essential for making optimum decisions and maintaining objectivity.
- Being too attached can skew decision-making and shield you from valid criticisms or operational issues.
- Blind spots can be identified by seeking feedback from others through methods like anonymous surveys or 360-degree evaluations.
Embracing Tough Conversations and Feedback
13:24 - 19:30
- When people dismiss certain topics, it can be a signal that those topics are important and should be discussed
- Blind spots require getting outside of your own vision and considering other perspectives
- Real feedback is necessary for genuine improvement and increased scope of vision
- Radical candor requires caring deeply and challenging directly
- Hard feedback can be taken from someone who is in your corner
- Tough conversations may be contentious but can still maintain a respectful framework
- Feedback is received differently depending on whether someone is all in or just working a job
- Hiring someone to provide feedback indicates a desire to operate at one's best
- Challenging moments are meant to help individuals win and improve
Effective Communication and Overcoming Negative Emotions
19:12 - 26:05
- The speaker aims to help clients achieve their goals and improve.
- They set goals prior to engagement and measure success based on those goals.
- The speaker rehearses conversations in their head to ensure they present information in a way that is not harmful or disempowering.
- They take intentional notes during meetings and send them to clients afterward, framing feedback as opportunities for improvement rather than weaknesses.
- Preparing for hard conversations involves reframing the situation as 'us versus the problem' instead of 'me versus you'.
- Collaboration against the problem reduces defensiveness and creates openness.
- Overcoming negative emotions is important for productivity, and learning how to reset after a bad day is crucial.
Managing Relationships and Expanding Thinking
25:42 - 38:28
- To overcome negative emotions and be productive, make a decision about the impact of a bad experience on your day
- Be intentional about how you want others to feel and the outcomes you want to create
- Stepping into a leadership role means leaving personal issues aside and bringing your best self to work
- When ending toxic relationships, gradually phase people out by not engaging or be upfront about your priorities
- Look for red flags like boundary violations, lack of support, and feeling drained after interactions
- Exceptional people pull in exceptional things from outside their fields and ways of thinking.
- Non-traditional approaches can lead to exceptional results, such as the fire movement in finance.
- Collaborations and unique use of resources can push us past our boundaries.
- Reading diverse content challenges our thinking and helps us come up with new ideas.
- Cognitive ruts can reinforce our own limitations, so we need to expand outside of them.
- Working with high-level clients exposes us to different perspectives and makes us think bigger.
- Gaining different perspectives helps eliminate blind spots and understand systems better.
Defining Success and Achieving Optionality
38:18 - 47:17
- Success is having enough to never worry about needing more.
- Success is having enough to never think about needing it.
- Success means having optionality in various areas of life.
- Money provides some optionality, but success means having optionality in time, future choices, location, helping others, and scale of help.
- Measure of success is being assured that there is nothing needed for desired optionality.