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On Purpose with Jay Shetty

4 Types of Jealousy and 8 Strategies to Use it Wisely

Fri Jul 14 2023
EnvyJealousyPersonal GrowthRelationshipsMindfulness


The episode explores the topics of envy and jealousy, providing practical suggestions for overcoming these emotions and transforming them into personal growth. It discusses the different types of jealousy, the impact of envy on personal development, and strategies for gaining perspective and celebrating others' success. The episode also emphasizes the importance of building unique relationships, embracing wonder and astonishment in life, and practicing mindfulness to cultivate gratitude. Through insightful conversations and thought-provoking examples, the episode offers guidance on navigating envy and jealousy to lead a more fulfilling life.


Overcoming envy and jealousy is a continuous pursuit

External achievements cannot remove internal feelings of envy. Feeling guilty for being envious keeps us stuck. Envy decreases as we age and gain more clarity in life.

Different types of jealousy exist

Jealousy can arise from various aspects such as academic success, social status, romantic relationships, appearance, financial resources, ownership of status items, athletic talent, and more.

Jealousy blocks personal growth and celebration of others' success

Envy and jealousy prevent personal growth by diverting energy and focus. They also hinder the ability to genuinely celebrate others' success.

Transforming jealousy into admiration and personal growth

By gaining a full perspective of someone's story, determining genuine desires, and taking action steps towards personal goals, jealousy can be transformed into admiration and attraction.

Shifting focus from others to self and celebrating others' success

By identifying action items, investing in oneself, empathizing with others' pain, and celebrating their success, jealousy can be replaced with positive energy and personal growth.

Building unique relationships and embracing wonder

Building unique relationships based on authenticity and embracing wonder in life can lead to irreplaceable friendships and a transformative daily experience.

Practicing wonderment in daily life

Letting go of analysis and judgment, opening up to the beauty of the world, and incorporating the practice of 'Be Here Wow' can cultivate gratitude and transform each day.


  1. Introduction
  2. Understanding Envy and Jealousy
  3. Gaining Perspective on Jealousy and Envy
  4. Transforming Jealousy into Growth
  5. Shifting Focus and Celebrating Others' Success
  6. Building Unique Relationships
  7. Embracing Wonder and Astonishment
  8. Practicing Wonderment in Daily Life


00:00 - 07:51

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Understanding Envy and Jealousy

07:21 - 15:24

  • Overcoming jealousy, ego, and envy is a pursuit in itself.
  • External achievements cannot remove internal feelings of envy.
  • Feeling guilty for being envious keeps us stuck.
  • Studies show that 79% of women and 74% of men reported envying someone.
  • Envy decreases as we age and gain more clarity in life.
  • Younger people are more likely to be envious about academic success, social status, romantic relationships, and appearance.
  • 40% of people reported envying the romantic success of others they knew.
  • Envy and jealousy block personal growth and prevent us from celebrating others' success.
  • Women tend to envy physical attractiveness, popularity, social ease, family relationships, and better clothing.
  • Men tend to envy romantic success, financial resources, ownership of status items, academic success, and athletic talent.
  • Jealousy is passive while envy is active; envy involves not only wanting something for oneself but also believing the other person doesn't deserve it.
  • Understanding the different symptoms of jealousy helps address it effectively.

Gaining Perspective on Jealousy and Envy

14:55 - 22:39

  • Jealousy and envy can block us from achieving our greatest potential by sucking out our energy and focus.
  • There are different types of jealousy, and it's important to be aware of which ones we struggle with.
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  • 'Skyline Drive' is a show about astrology that challenges both skeptics and believers to reconsider their ideas on the subject.
  • One type of jealousy is when you're going through a challenge that others are not experiencing. This can make you jealous of their seemingly easier life.
  • To improve this mindset, use the technique called 'zoom out'. Look at the bigger picture instead of focusing on specific situations.
  • Recognize that everyone has moments where their life is easier or harder than others. Don't judge your entire life based on one specific aspect.
  • Feelings of stress or upset are valid but remember that other people's situations have nothing to do with yours.

Transforming Jealousy into Growth

22:09 - 29:07

  • When feeling jealous or envious, it's important to recognize that others may have their own challenges and struggles.
  • Zooming out and gaining a full perspective of someone's story can change our perception.
  • Jealousy often arises from wanting what others have, but it's crucial to determine if it aligns with our genuine desires or societal conditioning.
  • If it is something we truly want, we can transform jealousy into admiration and attraction by studying and learning from those who have achieved it.
  • Jealousy can serve as a sign of what we truly desire, prompting us to focus on building that for ourselves instead of fixating on others.
  • Taking action steps towards our goals helps shift our focus from emotional jealousy to personal growth and achievement.

Shifting Focus and Celebrating Others' Success

28:46 - 36:10

  • Shift your focus from others to yourself by identifying action items and investing in yourself.
  • Feeling jealous of others is often due to knowing less about their journey and sacrifices.
  • Social media can create a false perception that others have better lives than you do.
  • Learn to empathize with other people's pain and celebrate their success.
  • Celebrating others' success creates positive energy in your own life.
  • Negative feelings towards others' success only perpetuate negativity within yourself.
  • Transforming jealousy requires changing your thoughts and understanding that you are not a jealous person.

Building Unique Relationships

36:02 - 43:43

  • Insisting on a relationship that can't give you what you need is self-abuse.
  • Jealous thoughts can be replaced by positive thoughts through repetition and rewriting scripts in our minds.
  • The theater of happiness is infinite, and everyone has a seat.
  • Feeling left out or rejected can trigger jealousy, but it's important to address the underlying fears.
  • Trying to fit into a group or community that doesn't align with our values can lead to feeling replaced and rejected.
  • Building unique relationships instead of trying to be like everyone else makes us irreplaceable friends.

Embracing Wonder and Astonishment

43:14 - 52:00

  • Building a unique relationship with people is important.
  • Trying to be like someone else makes us replaceable.
  • Being a friend who helps others connect with their deepest essence is valuable.
  • Being true to ourselves is more important than trying to fit in.
  • Every person has something unique to offer in a relationship.
  • There should be no hierarchy or competition in relationships, only love and diversity.
  • Jealousy is a normal feeling that can be overcome with techniques mentioned in the episode.
  • "Be Here Wow" is an approach to life that involves being amazed by the simple facts of life.
  • Wondering at ourselves and the world can positively influence our mood and cultivate gratitude.
  • Recognizing that we are part of something bigger allows us to become more generous towards ourselves and others.
  • Marveling at the vastness of the cosmos can provide perspective on our existence.
  • Embracing astonishment can transform each day of our lives.

Practicing Wonderment in Daily Life

51:30 - 55:25

  • Letting go of any urge to analyze or judge, to worry or plan, and instead, opening yourself up to the beauty of the world.
  • Call to mind any simple yet spectacular fact of life.
  • A snail can sleep for up to three years.
  • On average, kids ask 40,000 questions between the ages of two and five.
  • You're the only you that ever was and ever will be.
  • Your breath is sustaining and nourishing you without you even thinking about it.
  • Lean into a feeling of wonderment and truly be inspired.
  • Reflect on how often you experience a sense of wonder in your day-to-day life.
  • Look for opportunities to incorporate the practice of 'Be Here Wow' into your daily routine.