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    The Art of Manliness

    Embracing the Strive State

    Wed May 15 2024
    Strive StateHappinessPositive PsychologyPersonal GrowthGoal SettingCourageEvolutionStriving Strategies

    Description

    The episode explores the concept of the Strive State and its relationship with happiness. It delves into the downsides of positive psychology and the importance of embracing struggle for personal growth. The journey towards a goal is highlighted as more fulfilling than achieving the goal itself. Courage and evolution are key elements of the Strive State, and effective strategies for striving are discussed.

    Insights

    Happiness is found in the journey rather than the destination

    Embracing difficulty and discomfort can lead to real joy

    'Strive state' requires growth and courage

    Tackling challenges for fulfillment in life

    Experiences with low enjoyment but high challenge build self-esteem and skills the most

    Flow state characterized by high challenge and skill with enjoyment and engagement

    Lack of striving can lead to dysfunction and negative outcomes

    As seen in wealthy families and societies like Kuwait

    Aiming for fulfillment and impact is more beneficial than aiming for happiness

    Positive psychology movement can have downsides if taken to an extreme

    Experiencing a wide range of emotions leads to better mental health and wellbeing

    Avoiding negative emotions can hinder personal growth and self-esteem

    Achieving goals does not always lead to long-lasting satisfaction

    The completion myth involves overestimating the impact achieving a goal will have on happiness or fulfillment

    The journey towards a goal is more fulfilling than achieving the goal itself

    Striving and overcoming struggles during the goal-setting process bring pride and self-esteem

    'Pursuit as Happiness' highlights the importance of the journey over the outcome

    Making things easy for oneself may lead to misery, and avoiding challenges can hinder personal growth

    'Pass the parcel' illustrates how ensuring everyone wins may diminish the value of competition and effort

    Chapters

    1. The Strive State and Happiness
    2. The Downsides of Positive Psychology
    3. The Importance of the Journey
    4. Courage and Evolution in the Strive State
    5. Embracing Struggle for Growth
    6. Effective Strategies for Striving
    Summary
    Transcript

    The Strive State and Happiness

    00:07 - 14:10

    • Happiness is found in the journey rather than the destination, embracing difficulty and discomfort can lead to real joy
    • Dr. Adam Fraser discusses 'the Strive state' where growth and courage are needed to tackle challenges for fulfillment in life
    • Flow state, characterized by high challenge and skill with enjoyment and engagement, was studied revealing that experiences with low enjoyment but high challenge build self-esteem and skills the most
    • The 'Strive State' is defined as low interest, low enjoyment situations that require high skill and challenge, leading to personal growth and amazement at one's capabilities
    • During COVID lockdowns, many people discovered their capacity to handle challenges and transition to remote work effectively.
    • Striving involves tackling difficult tasks with high skill and courage for a meaningful goal or vision.
    • When individuals lack striving in their lives, it can lead to dysfunction and negative outcomes, as seen in wealthy families and societies like Kuwait.
    • The constant pursuit of happiness can backfire by demonizing negative emotions and limiting personal growth through discomfort and learning.

    The Downsides of Positive Psychology

    13:57 - 20:28

    • Positive psychology movement can have downsides if taken to an extreme
    • Aiming for happiness may actually make one less happy, while aiming for fulfillment and impact is more beneficial
    • Experiencing a wide range of emotions, both positive and negative, leads to better mental health and wellbeing
    • Avoiding negative emotions can hinder personal growth and self-esteem
    • The completion myth involves overestimating the impact achieving a goal will have on happiness or fulfillment
    • Many individuals find that achieving goals does not lead to long-lasting satisfaction as expected

    The Importance of the Journey

    20:05 - 26:35

    • The completion myth suggests that the journey towards a goal is more fulfilling than achieving the goal itself.
    • Striving and overcoming struggles during the goal-setting process bring pride and self-esteem.
    • Ernest Hemingway's concept of 'Pursuit as Happiness' highlights the importance of the journey over the outcome.
    • Making things easy for oneself may lead to misery, and avoiding challenges can hinder personal growth.
    • The story of 'pass the parcel' illustrates how ensuring everyone wins may diminish the value of competition and effort.

    Courage and Evolution in the Strive State

    26:14 - 33:28

    • The Strive State involves embracing risk, effort, and discomfort to find joy.
    • Research shows that people at the end of their lives prioritize courage over happiness.
    • Courage and evolution are key elements of the Strive State for mental health and wellbeing.
    • There are four types of struggle: traumatic, sorrowful, struggle in the dredge, and growth-centric struggle.
    • Growth-centric struggle presents opportunities to evolve and grow by actively engaging with challenges.

    Embracing Struggle for Growth

    33:09 - 40:25

    • Individuals can either see struggle as a threat or an opportunity for growth and courage.
    • People who embrace growth-centric struggle focus on evolving and improving, while those who resist it tend to blame others or seek excuses.
    • Good strivers accept that struggle is uncomfortable but necessary for evolution and development.
    • Successful individuals are connected to the meaning and purpose behind their goals, reflecting on their progress and courage.
    • To strive for the long term without burning out, successful individuals engage in background behaviors that support their continuous growth.

    Effective Strategies for Striving

    39:59 - 46:55

    • Effective strivers have background behaviors that help them continue striving without burning out
    • Good strivers focus on improving their mental focus and reducing distractions caused by technology
    • Practicing gratitude, having a strong support network, taking time for recovery, and celebrating victories are important strategies for dealing with challenges effectively
    • High performers are skilled at transitioning effectively into challenging situations
    • Encouraging children to face struggles and challenges without constant rescue can help them learn how to strive better
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