Modern Wisdom
Mark Manson - When Will You Learn To Grow Up?
Thu Feb 16 2023Description
This episode covers Mark Manson's journey and success, challenges of success and relationships, hidden challenges of success and depression, identity, sobriety, and productivity, changing cultural behaviors and men's advice, debunking TikTok and exploring men's advice, the power of video content and men's struggles, the appeal and influence of Andrew Tate, understanding relationships and self-improvement, navigating relationships and aging, and investing in personal growth and future.
Insights
Success can have psychological fallout
Achieving what you wanted doesn't always solve all your problems; imposter syndrome and increased pressure come with success.
Maintaining high expectations can be detrimental to success
The goalposts need to move as you reach higher levels of success. The strategies that work at lower levels won't work at higher levels.
Depression can arise when previous goals have been achieved
Depression can arise when previous goals have been achieved and new ones are not yet established. Gold Medalist Syndrome can occur when an individual achieves great success but struggles to find new meaning or purpose.
Quitting drinking has become trendy among people who care about productivity
Consistency, time, money, calories to spend on things that you genuinely care about, energy, everything that you care to care about in your life gets better when you go sober. Younger generations are engaging less in high-risk behaviors like heavy drinking and drug use. The counter culture now promotes productive behavior instead of degeneracy as high status behavior.
TikTok is overrated and its dangers are exaggerated
TikTok is a platform for short, forgettable content. Digital dementia refers to the loss of memory caused by passive platforms like TikTok. Views on TikTok are not valuable for creators or advertisers. Moderate consumption of TikTok alongside other media is fine.
Video content is underdeveloped as a medium online
Video content is underdeveloped as a medium online and has a massive and growing audience, particularly among young people. There is a void for healthy advice directed towards young men on how to be and develop themselves.
Navigating relationships is confusing for young people
Navigating sexuality, dating, and relationships is confusing for young people, especially when cultural narratives are often misleading. The pickup artist narrative fills a void for some young men seeking guidance.
Clear communication and radical honesty are crucial in relationships
Keeping score in relationships is toxic and counterproductive. Anxious attachment can be addressed through honest communication. Insecurity becomes apparent when hiding it is no longer possible in a relationship.
Growing older makes one more aware of the limited time left
With age comes the realization that priorities and friendships change over time. Perspective and wisdom come with aging, allowing for a better understanding of life's fluidity.
Investing in personal growth and future
Being conscious of how you invest each year and spend each month in your career. Avoiding the perils of too much success too soon. Making the last half of your professional life count.
Chapters
- Mark Manson's Journey and Success
- Challenges of Success and Relationships
- Hidden Challenges of Success and Depression
- Identity, Sobriety, and Productivity
- Benefits of Sobriety and Changing Cultural Behaviors
- Changing Cultural Behaviors and Men's Advice
- Debunking TikTok and Exploring Men's Advice
- The Power of Video Content and Men's Struggles
- The Appeal and Influence of Andrew Tate
- Understanding Relationships and Self-Improvement
- Navigating Relationships and Aging
- Investing in Personal Growth and Future
Mark Manson's Journey and Success
00:00 - 08:02
- Mark Manson is a best-selling author, blogger, and movie star.
- After experiencing massive success with a best-selling book, Mark Manson faced depression.
- Dealing with high standards for oneself can be challenging.
- Success can have psychological fallout, especially when it comes rapidly and dramatically.
- The challenges of sudden success are similar for adults as they are for child actors.
- Justin Bieber's career unwinding reflects the desire to be a normal human being after achieving fame at a young age.
- Achieving what you wanted doesn't always solve all your problems; imposter syndrome and increased pressure come with success.
Challenges of Success and Relationships
07:34 - 15:00
- There is an ambient sense of anxiety when experiencing success, with more attention and self-doubt.
- Having a solid group of people in your life who don't care about your success is important.
- Success can change relationships, both positively and negatively.
- Maintaining high expectations can be detrimental to success.
- The goalposts need to move as you reach higher levels of success.
- The strategies that work at lower levels won't work at higher levels.
- The most important question in life is what pain are you willing to endure for what you want to achieve?
- Differentiating yourself comes from the sacrifices and challenges you embrace.
- Many people say they want to write a book but don't enjoy the process of writing itself.
Hidden Challenges of Success and Depression
14:36 - 22:03
- Discover the difficult things that come easily to you, as that's likely your competitive advantage.
- The reality of achieving a goal is often very different from what is seen from the outside.
- Success often comes with hidden challenges and sacrifices.
- Depression can arise when previous goals have been achieved and new ones are not yet established.
- Gold Medalist Syndrome can occur when an individual achieves great success but struggles to find new meaning or purpose.
- Identity lagging behind reality can lead to self-sabotage or difficulty in trusting others.
- Trust may become more difficult after experiencing changes in how people treat you due to success.
Identity, Sobriety, and Productivity
21:34 - 29:06
- Identity lags behind after significant weight loss for about one to two years.
- Developed a strong fan radar, able to identify fans quickly in conversations.
- Having someone close with a good bullshit detector is helpful in identifying people with ulterior motives.
- Connections made through the show have been positive, but cautious of those without best interests at heart.
- Both podcast hosts recently quit drinking alcohol and experienced positive changes in their lives.
- Heavy drinking led to weight gain and health issues for one host.
- The decision to quit drinking was influenced by various factors including personal events and conversations with friends.
- Commitment to sobriety has resulted in improved well-being and focus on things that matter most.
Benefits of Sobriety and Changing Cultural Behaviors
28:45 - 36:16
- Consistency, time, money, calories to spend on things that you genuinely care about, energy, everything that you care to care about in your life gets better when you go sober.
- Alcohol is the only drug where if you don't do it, people assume you have a problem.
- Going sober is easier for those who had their drinking under control and not dependency-based.
- Effects of going sober include improved energy and focus.
- It can take six to twelve months for heavy drinkers' systems to reset completely.
- Cutting back on alcohol consumption reveals its negative effects on energy and motivation even with moderate drinking.
- Quitting drinking has become trendy among people who care about productivity and accomplishing things.
- Younger generations are engaging less in high-risk behaviors like heavy drinking and drug use.
- The counter culture now promotes productive behavior instead of degeneracy as high status behavior.
- The younger generation values productivity and study hacks over destructive behavior.
Changing Cultural Behaviors and Men's Advice
35:48 - 43:21
- Younger generation prioritizes productive and high-status behavior
- Impressed by the intelligence and self-regulation of Gen Z
- Less racial epithets used in online gaming compared to the past
- Availability bias on contentious topics like TikTok
- Concerns about the impact of technology on self-control and inequality
- Skepticism towards blaming social media for cultural issues
- Kids are easily distracted and grow out of crazy ideas
- Personal belief that TikTok is overrated
Debunking TikTok and Exploring Men's Advice
42:55 - 50:31
- TikTok is overrated and its dangers are exaggerated.
- TikTok videos have inflated view numbers due to short attention spans and bot activity.
- TikTok is a platform for short, forgettable content.
- Digital dementia refers to the loss of memory caused by passive platforms like TikTok.
- Views on TikTok are not valuable for creators or advertisers.
- Moderate consumption of TikTok alongside other media is fine.
- Mark Manson repurposes his old written content across different platforms for audience engagement.
- Video is currently Mark Manson's top priority for content creation and growth.
- Podcasts and video are less saturated mediums compared to blogs or social media platforms.
The Power of Video Content and Men's Struggles
50:08 - 57:55
- Video content is underdeveloped as a medium online and has a massive and growing audience, particularly among young people.
- There is a void for healthy advice directed towards young men on how to be and develop themselves.
- The no-fap trend has surprising staying power in the realm of men's advice.
- This generation's men's advice focuses more on abstention and self-improvement rather than material success and indulgence.
- Some men in the industry have transitioned from extreme partying and pick-up culture to more holistic and aligned lifestyles.
- Compulsive personalities tend to change the focus of their compulsivity rather than stopping altogether.
- There is concern about outlier individuals who have rigid thinking patterns around relationships and gender roles.
The Appeal and Influence of Andrew Tate
57:38 - 1:04:50
- The alluring seductiveness of someone with clear parameters around relationships and gender roles can be appealing to some men.
- However, if these ideas are adopted by men who don't naturally align with them, it can lead to problems in their lives.
- Navigating sexuality, dating, and relationships is confusing for young people, especially when cultural narratives are often misleading.
- The pickup artist narrative, exemplified by figures like Andrew Tate, fills a void for some young men seeking guidance.
- While this advice may help them feel more confident and have more casual encounters, it doesn't lead to happiness or fulfilling relationships.
- Many guys eventually realize that shallow success isn't enough and start exploring deeper emotional issues and what truly works for them.
- There is a lack of alternative voices in the modern discourse on men's advice, which allows figures like Andrew Tate to gain influence.
- Even though Jordan Peterson has been influential in the past, he hasn't provided new insights recently on topics relevant to young men's struggles.
- Without alternatives, young men will gravitate towards someone who speaks to them effectively, regardless of whether they agree with him or not.
- Andrew Tate's appeal lies in his ability to speak well and embody a cool image that resonates with many young guys' desires.
- It's important to acknowledge that being a young man is inherently confusing and challenging for everyone, not just those who follow Andrew Tate's advice.
- Instead of focusing on why Andrew Tate says awful things, we should ask why so many young men are drawn to him and why there isn't a better alternative.
Understanding Relationships and Self-Improvement
1:04:24 - 1:12:09
- The question is, why are so many young men listening to Andrew Tate?
- Confusion arises for young men due to social changes like MeToo.
- There is a need for a healthier and more integrated men's voice.
- MeToo has affected how girls approach dating and playing hard to get.
- Clear communication and radical honesty are crucial in relationships.
- Many people misunderstand relationships as a power struggle.
- Keeping score in relationships is toxic and counterproductive.
- Anxious attachment can be addressed through honest communication.
- Insecurity becomes apparent when hiding it is no longer possible in a relationship.
- Self-work is important before entering into a healthy relationship.
Investing in Personal Growth and Future
1:18:50 - 1:20:52
- Being conscious of how you invest each year and spend each month in your career
- Avoiding the perils of too much success too soon
- Making the last half of your professional life count
- Expecting a lot of video content on YouTube in the next year
- Intending to reinvent the self-help space on YouTube with new formats and audience involvement
- Opportunity to do something very new and big
- MarkManson.net is the website to check out everything else
- New content will be primarily on YouTube