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On Purpose with Jay Shetty

Nessa Barrett ON: How to Overcome Loneliness & 8 Ways to Heal From a Breakup

Mon Jul 17 2023
TravelTeenage StrugglesPursuing DreamsHealingMental HealthMusic IndustryEating DisordersPublic BreakupsHeartbreakSelf-LoveSelf-CareArtistic ExpressionSupport SystemsRelationshipsLearningSelf-Improvement


This episode of the podcast features a variety of topics including travel, teenage struggles, pursuing dreams, healing past traumas, mental health challenges in the music industry, dealing with eating disorders, navigating public breakups, recovering from heartbreak, the importance of self-love, self-care and healing rituals, artistic expression, support systems, setting boundaries, and learning new skills. The episode provides insights and personal stories from guests, offering practical advice and inspiration for listeners.


Healing and Growth

The episode explores the themes of healing past traumas, overcoming challenges, and finding personal growth through various experiences.

Mental Health Awareness

The discussion highlights the importance of mental health awareness and the need for support and understanding in dealing with issues such as anxiety, depression, and eating disorders.

Self-Love and Self-Care

The episode emphasizes the significance of self-love and self-care in achieving happiness, healing, and personal development.

Navigating Relationships

The episode offers insights into navigating relationships, including public breakups, heartbreak, setting boundaries, and building a stable support system.

Artistic Expression and Healing

The episode explores the power of artistic expression as a form of healing and self-discovery.

Learning and Self-Improvement

The episode encourages continuous learning, self-improvement, and embracing new skills as a means of personal growth.


  1. Not Lost: Travel and Connection
  2. Nessa Barrett: Teenage Struggles and Pursuing Dreams
  3. Healing Past Traumas and Rebuilding Relationships
  4. Struggles in the Music Industry and Mental Health
  5. Dealing with Eating Disorders in the Music Industry
  6. Understanding Eating Disorders and Supporting Recovery
  7. Navigating Public Breakups and Heartbreak
  8. Recovering from Heartbreak and Finding Self-Love
  9. The Importance of Self-Love and Reflection
  10. Self-Care, Healing, and Interactive Performances
  11. Artistic Expression, Support Systems, and Self-Improvement
  12. Setting Boundaries, Taking Things Slow, and Showing Love
  13. Learning New Skills and Journey to Self-Improvement

Not Lost: Travel and Connection

00:00 - 07:10

  • Not Lost is a travel podcast where the host tries to get invited to a local's house for dinner in each episode.
  • The Before Breakfast Podcast provides practical suggestions for time management and productivity.

Nessa Barrett: Teenage Struggles and Pursuing Dreams

00:00 - 07:10

  • On Purpose is a health and wellness podcast featuring interviews with various guests.
  • Nessa Barrett, a singer and songwriter, is the guest on the latest episode of On Purpose.
  • Nessa's new EP is titled 'Hell is a Teenage Girl' and she discusses her journey of healing.
  • Being a teenager can be difficult due to the challenges of finding oneself while being influenced by others.
  • Both Nessa and the host share their experiences of struggling during their teenage years.
  • Nessa ran away from home at age 17 to pursue her dream of becoming a singer in California.

Healing Past Traumas and Rebuilding Relationships

06:45 - 13:52

  • The speaker reflects on the courage and confidence they had as a 17-year-old to pursue their dreams, despite struggling with anxiety.
  • They attribute their opportunity to move to LA and pursue their passion to gaining a large following on social media.
  • Growing up, the speaker had difficulty fitting in and felt motivated to create a better life for themselves due to their parents' financial struggles.
  • Through hypnotherapy, the speaker was able to heal past traumas and rebuild relationships with their parents.
  • The speaker emphasizes the importance of family and acknowledges how being independent can take a toll mentally and physically.

Struggles in the Music Industry and Mental Health

13:34 - 20:31

  • Realizing the importance of family and prioritizing it
  • Loneliness as a major challenge in the music industry
  • Feeling empty and lonely after performing in front of thousands of people
  • Struggling to find trustworthy people in LA and Hollywood
  • Acknowledging the difficulties that come with pursuing a career in music
  • Choosing to embrace the challenges because it connects to something loved
  • Discussing struggles with mental health, including anorexia
  • Expressing the lack of understanding and support for mental health issues

Dealing with Eating Disorders in the Music Industry

20:01 - 28:16

  • The speaker has struggled with an eating disorder and made a song about it.
  • Talking about the eating disorder is difficult because it's personal and can be triggering to others.
  • The speaker is still dealing with the eating disorder and considering getting treatment.
  • Dealing with the eating disorder on tour is challenging due to being around people who don't struggle with it.
  • Being on stage triggers insecurities about appearance and body image.
  • Getting energy to perform requires eating, which is difficult for the speaker due to the eating disorder.
  • Recovery from anorexia is extremely challenging for the speaker.
  • Creating a comfortable relationship with food is one of the hardest things in their life.

Understanding Eating Disorders and Supporting Recovery

27:58 - 35:11

  • Getting on stage with an eating disorder is challenging and requires extra energy and worry.
  • Anorexia and other eating disorders look different on everyone, so there is no specific 'look' to it.
  • It's impossible to fully understand an eating disorder without experiencing it firsthand.
  • When supporting someone with an eating disorder, the best thing to do is provide love and support rather than giving advice or saying things that may trigger them.
  • Words like 'healthy' can be triggering for someone with anorexia, as they associate it with being sick.
  • Recovery from an eating disorder is a long and non-linear process that requires patience and understanding.
  • Being present and supportive without trying to fix the person's problems is more important than finding the perfect solution.
  • Love goes a long way in supporting someone with an eating disorder.

Recovering from Heartbreak and Finding Self-Love

41:39 - 48:19

  • The hardest stage after a breakup is when you become desperate for any attention from the person you broke up with.
  • Codependency is the longest stage to recover from after a breakup.
  • Learning to love yourself and enjoy your own company is a long process.
  • Therapy and self-isolation helped in overcoming the desperation stage.
  • Faking it until you make it and prioritizing oneself can aid in healing.
  • Keeping hope and faith during the longest phase of recovery can be challenging.
  • Negative thoughts about oneself hinder proper healing and finding love again.

The Importance of Self-Love and Reflection

47:55 - 55:25

  • The importance of self-love in healing and finding happiness
  • Realizing that loving yourself is necessary for change
  • Forgetting to look internally and neglecting self-love
  • Being able to give love to others requires having it within oneself
  • Working on self-love makes things easier and reduces the need for a relationship
  • Recognizing that self-love is key to being human
  • Finding things to love about oneself by reflecting on past achievements and strengths
  • Understanding that self-love goes beyond superficial aspects
  • Analyzing oneself and taking time to understand who you are

Self-Care, Healing, and Interactive Performances

55:01 - 1:01:56

  • Self-care comes from comfort, but self-respect comes from discomfort.
  • Loving yourself is about recognizing the things you've been through and survived.
  • Everyone has been through difficult times and should love themselves for it.
  • No one can take away the experiences that have made you who you are.
  • The burn box ritual at concerts allows fans to let go of their struggles and find healing.
  • The burn box ritual has had a powerful impact on people, even making some cry.
  • The artist wants to create more interactive moments at shows, such as bringing fans on stage or giving them a voice to share their stories.
  • Fire is an element the artist enjoys incorporating into performances for its fun and symbolic nature.

Artistic Expression, Support Systems, and Self-Improvement

1:01:29 - 1:08:48

  • The speaker loves the interactive element in their show, including setting up first dates on stage and locking people in caves without their phones.
  • Being vocal, honest, open, and vulnerable with the closest people around you is important for creating a stable support system as a young artist.
  • It's crucial to never lose sight of yourself and be true to your own artistic expression, rather than trying to conform to what others want.
  • Creating art from a place of healing can have a profound impact on people's lives.
  • The best advice the speaker has received is to let go.
  • The worst advice they've received is to text someone when they're feeling unsure about it.
  • For dealing with people-pleasing, the speaker suggests being honest and upfront about not having romantic feelings for someone.

Setting Boundaries, Taking Things Slow, and Showing Love

1:08:25 - 1:15:06

  • Setting boundaries is important when dealing with people who have different intentions.
  • Being cautious and taking things slow can help avoid sticky situations.
  • When breaking up with someone, have a respectful conversation without cheating or being disloyal.
  • Create a law where people are encouraged to show love and support to those in need.
  • Expressing gratitude for Nessa's peaceful and coherent conversation.
  • Encouraging listeners to share their thoughts and experiences on social media.
  • Promoting other podcast episodes featuring Megan Trainer and Laura Vanderkamp.

Learning New Skills and Journey to Self-Improvement

1:14:54 - 1:16:08

  • Learning new skills is like lifting weights for the mind.
  • The One You Feed podcast offers practical wisdom from thought-provoking guests.
  • Host Eric Zimmer has overcome addiction and depression to build a fulfilling life.
  • The podcast has over 30 million downloads and has been recognized by Apple Podcasts and Oprah Magazine.
  • Acting better can lead to feeling better, not the other way around.
  • Join Eric on his journey to self-improvement.